I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
