I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
