The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
