I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
