How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
