Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think my fart just growled at me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
