hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
