So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Four minutes until I can fart!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
