so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
