I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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