remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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