Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no, he came in my armpit
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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