Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
