the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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