This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
