i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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