and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
