Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
