My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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