Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
