I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
