i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
