first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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