There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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