Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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