I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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