I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
