My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
