yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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