Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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