So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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