so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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