She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
