Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
