escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
