I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
