alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
