my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
