i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
