I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
