worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
