I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
