We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
