we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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