so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
