the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
