I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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