Me too!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
