Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
