She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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