Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
