why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
