Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
