how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
