She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
