I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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