Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
